Finals Week
by Dimitri's.Smexi.Shewolf
Summary: "It was finals week so, naturally, the library was rammed. And it smelled terrible." Human College AU, Rose x Dimitri, Lissa x Christian, probably could be considered crack, probably belongs in the bin, no longer a oneshot. I've forgotten how summaries work without AO3 tags.
1. Chapter 1

**It's been so long since I wrote something other than ALS for this fandom that I've forgotten what constitutes crack. Is this crack? Probably a little. Idk. I wrote this instead of sleeping last night. Enjoy.**

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It was finals week so, naturally, the library was rammed. And it smelled terrible.

Whilst true that I didn't spend as much time as I should, it was clear I used the resource a lot more than some of the other freshmen wandering around in search of textbooks they should have read months ago. The horror on the face of one engineering student as he realised he could never get through the huge volume in a week was enough to make me feel slightly better about my own study schedule. Only slightly.

Hearing my sigh of defeat, Christian looked up from his essay and smirked at smirked at me.

"You wouldn't be so stressed if you'd started studying when we did," he said, wrapping an arm around Lissa's shoulders. Her pen slipped, and she shrugged him off in frustration.

"Bullshit," I argued. "You're just as behind as me. I know you sneak off to make out in the stacks like every other hour."

Lissa blushed and focussed harder on her notes, but Christian's expression morphed into a full-on grin.

"She's my study partner, and this is a library. It still counts."

"I hope you fail spectacularly," I said, only half joking. Bad grades would do wonders for his attitude.

Lissa thumped her book down on the table a little too loudly, making somebody a few desks over shush us.

"If you two don't shut up, we'll _all_ fail! I really need to do well this semester."

We lapsed into silence again. It was true- she did need to pull up her grades. So did I. Between Lissa's mental health relapse near the start of the year, and her roommate turning out to be an utter psycho at Christmas, we'd fallen woefully behind. She'd been lucky enough to meet Christian and get a study buddy as well as a boyfriend, but I didn't have anyone to copy notes from. My evolutionary biology cohort took 'survival of the fittest' a little too literally, and it was all-out war for the best marks.

Lissa and Christians politics and economics friends might have been stuck up, but they would always help others out in hopes of being able to call in a favour in the future. They also threw awesome parties.

Of course, the major difference between our courses' willingness to collab may have been the fierce competition for internships in my degree programme. Lissa's future politician friends has enough connections that they were set for life, whilst most of my fellow scientists and I had to earn them through the school's highly competitive _Guardian_ mentorship programme. It was a huge leg-up only offered to the best of candidates.

Get a mentor, get an internship, get a well-paid job straight out of college. That was my plan. Only, it was the same plan as everyone else on my course had. So far, I was behind.

I could feel the familiar strains of anxiety in my stomach and chest as I contemplated my future and knew that I wouldn't be able to focus on work until I calmed down. Signalling to Lissa that I was going for a walk, I left my stuff in her care and headed for the dusty attic rooms on the fourth floor.

It was quieter up here due to the lack of power sockets or natural light, and probably the musty smell of old books too. I liked it up here though. Solitude and gentle sensory stimulation were just what I needed to quell the rising waves of panic. Plus, mouldy attics smelled better than sweaty students that hadn't bought shampoo in weeks.

I strolled between the stacks, every so often pausing to look at a particularly interesting books or people. One of the heavy volumes I pulled out had tiny bugs crawling through a hole in the spine, which was gross but oddly satisfying to watch. One girl had made a fort around her workspace out of energy drinks and chocolate, which would definitely get her thrown out if any of the staff caught her. Of course, if staff ever came up here, there wouldn't be books crawling with bugs.

There was also a boy sat with a violin, reading sheet music and fingering the instrument whilst barely making a sound. Every so often his bow would squeak against the strings and he'd cringe, though nobody shushed him. He might have been interesting to watch for a little longer, but someone else caught my eye.

It was _him_. Library bae.

I'd first spotted him in here at the start of the year, back before everything went to shit. Lissa and I had entertained ourselves through study sessions by picking out dream boyfriends, and making it our mission to learn as much as we could about them before they went home. Mostly we only figured out names or majors, but sometimes we'd overhear something juicier. It didn't matter- half the fun was the stories we made up about our mysterious men, or library baes, as we ironically called them.

And none had been more mysterious than this one.

He was a few years older than us, that was for sure, but there was no way of telling what grade he was in. None of his books or materials had helpful hints. I was pretty sure he studied literature as well as a subject close to my own. I read some of the same journals as him. It was an odd mix, but not the strangest I'd encountered here.

He also spoke Russian. I'd heard him muttering to himself several times, and when I'd tried to put the phrases into google translate, I'd found they were swearwords. He was quite inventive with them too. That, on top of the fact that he was drop-dead gorgeous and super tall, made me think he could actually be my dream boyfriend, much more than the shared interest in biology. I'd already decided I had no interest in dating anybody from my course.

To top off the enigma that was this man, he always had with him a long brown leather duster, like cowboys wore. There was always a small novel tucked into the right-hand pocket, as if he needed to be able to grab it at all times. From the titles or authors names poking out the top, I had determined that every one I'd seen had been a western. Today's book proudly proclaimed to be written by Louis L'Amour, and I recognised it as one he'd read before. I remembered because the last time he'd had it with him, I'd tried reading three pages of it online before giving up.

Yes, I might have been crossing the line into real stalker territory there, but that that wasn't as bad a crime as reading those god-awful cowboy novels.

It occurred to me then that I'd been staring at him for a really long time. My eyes were burning. I realised I'd barely blinked in the last two minutes.

"Jesus, Rose," I whispered to myself. "Get a grip woman."

If nothing else, staring at Mr. Tall, Dark and Russian had distracted me from my spiralling thoughts. My stomach was no longer in knots, even if my chest did still feel a bit fluttery. Maybe that was the comrade's fault, though. Being that attractive could wreak havoc on a girl's heart rate.

When I made it back to our table, Christian was playing Angry Birds and Lissa was reading through flashcards, everything else stacked neatly on the edge of the desk.

"Thought a pile of books had landed on you or something," Christian said without looking up from his game. "We were about to leave without you."

Lissa smacked him with the stack of cards before putting them in her satchel.

"No, we were waiting for you before we left. We decided to call it quits for today so we can get an early start tomorrow. My brain's had enough."

I stared down at my notes, only three pages on from what I'd been reading at lunchtime. Shit.

"Yeah, me too." I slammed the offending book closed, earning another glare from the girl across the way. I gave her the finger.

"Do you want to come over for dinner?" Lissa asked, shouldering her bag. It was heavy enough to pull her slim frame over sideways, so I took it instead.

"Nah, I've got leftover pizza at home. Can I get a lift though?" The bag was _really_ heavy, as was my own.

"Sure," Lissa said, at the same time as Christian said "no".

"Well, it's her car, so it looks like that's a yes."

Since Lissa's fallout with her roomie, she'd moved off-campus into the huge apartment Christian rented. He was weird and antisocial so had been living alone right from the off, courtesy of his aunt. She'd asked if I wanted to move in with them next year, but there was no way I could afford it, and I didn't want to be that girl sponging off her rich friends. Even if they were _really_ rich. Like, European royalty rich.

Still, I wasn't too proud to enjoy the ten-minute ride in the Audi rather than a half-hour jog home in the dark. I rode shotgun, much to Christian's annoyance.

Lissa hugged me before I left the car.

"Do you want a ride in the morning as well? We're heading in for 7."

My first instinct was to refuse and declare them both insane, but I paused. Yeah, that was two hours before I had planned on getting there, but there were advantages. I'd claim back half an hour or so in bed since I wasn't walking. I wouldn't have to brave the cold. I'd probably be able to snag one of the comfy study pods in the library and avoid people glaring at and/or shushing me all day. I could get breakfast on campus.

It was the thought of freshly-baked donuts that did it.

"See you at 6:45!"

* * *

At precisely 6:52 the next morning I was sliding into the rear heated seat of the Audi.

"How are you always late to _everything!"_ Christian whined.

"My dad fucked off before he taught me to tell time," I shot back, fastening my seatbelt as Lissa peeled away from the curb. "And by the time my mom got round to it, she was on a different continent. Time difference and all."

Christian rolled his eyes. "Wrong crowd, Rose. Orphan card beats Daddy Issues every time."

"Shit Annie, you're right-"

"Can we not have the my-childhood-was-worse-than-yours fight before 7am, please?" Lissa asked, exasperated. "I love you both but I'm stressed out and I swear I will dump you on the side of the road and make you walk the rest of the way."

We shut up immediately.

At least, we were quiet until we got to the library and realised it was even busier than it was last night.

"How is this possible?!" I exclaimed. I couldn't see any seats left together. One of the high-backed comfy chairs in a study pod swung around to reveal a guy with bedhead and rumpled clothes. I bet he was responsible for the scent of unwashed gym sock that hung in this area.

"Freshers?" he asked. We nodded. "Finals week, man. You have to sleep here if you want a seat."

Somebody on the other side of the partition hummed in agreement.

"Fuck this," I said. "Let's go upstairs."

Lissa and Christian followed me up the two flights of spiral staircase and through the stacks to the musty old rooms in the back. Nobody would have slept here- there were no power sockets, and laptops would have died overnight. Armed with a bag full of fully-charged technology, I entered the room with a triumphant smile.

An hour later, I was sat with a full page of notes in front of me and my favourite motivational playlist blasting through my headphones. Lissa and Christian were somewhere to my left, but my attention wasn't focussed on any of that. I was staring at the person three desks ahead of me and one to the right. The person that was sleeping with his head pillowed on a beat-up old western novel.

Without looking, I pushed a huge book off the edge of the table. The thump caused shelves to rattle and dust to puff up from the floor.

The dark head of long, silken hair jerked up off the desk in front of me, whipping around as he searched for the source of the noise. After a moment, he realised where he was, and slumped back down on the desk, muttering in Russian. I chewed my pen to hide a smirk.

When Library Bae raised his head again, he finally noticed the to-go cup of coffee placed in front of him. His brow furrowed in confusion, and he reached for it, squinting to read the label as he rubbed his eyes.

He made a sharp sound of surprise as finished, and I ducked my head behind my laptop before he could catch me smiling.

 _Morning, Sleeping Beauty! You looked like you're gonna need this._

 _P.S. Fancy a study date?  
01234 - *** - 222_

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 **I think this is a oneshot, but we'll see I guess. Consider it complete for now. I might come back to it in 3 years. You never know with me.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Oh look, deadlines are looming and I've come back to this. I need something to distract me from thinking about Game of Thrones while my models take a million years run. Am I writing this just to subject Rose to the same torture I'm going through? You bet.**

A week passed and I heard nothing from Library Bae.

Maybe he was already dating someone. Maybe he didn't have time to waste talking to people he'd never met. Maybe he'd thought my gesture was just a little bit weird.

Anyway, I didn't have time to dwell on it.

Much.

Finally, the work was done and I'd finished my last exam. I'd slept for pretty much two days straight, partied hard Friday and Saturday nights, and was now bedridden with a world-class hangover. My standard Sunday afternoon, really.

When I could stand to focus my eyes on the dimmed screen, I scrolled through the evidence of last night to assess the damage.

Seven drunk snaps on my story, about a million missed calls from Lissa, texts from Eddie asking if I was going to the gym today, messages from boys I'd met at the party asking where the hell I'd gone…

"Dammit drunk Rose," I scolded myself as I started blocking those last numbers. It seemed I'd broken a few hearts last night, and some weren't too happy about it. One had even texted again this morning, angry that I hadn't followed him into the bedroom as I'd led him to believe I would. Oops.

"Sorry Wade," I muttered half-heartedly as I blocked his number. I couldn't remember him, but I must have had a good reason for ditching him last night. From what little I could recall, most of the guys at that frat party had been creepy as hell.

Another message from an unsaved number came through, and I groaned. I didn't want to read more evidence of last night's mistakes. My thumb hovered over the button to delete the chat when I noticed the photo beside it.

Oh. My. God.

The phone slipped from my hand and bounced onto the floor. I scrambled after it, moving too fast for my poor, hungover body. My head pounded and my stomach lurched but I didn't care.

Library Bae had messaged me.

Phone safely retrieved, I clicked on the message tab. Beside his super-professional ID-looking photo the name read Dimitri Belikov.

Christ, even his name was sexy.

 _Sorry I never got around to thanking you for the coffee last week. Can I buy you one to make it up to you?_

I immediately took a screenshot and sent it to Lissa. She replied immediately, telling me to 'Get in there ;D ;D ;D'. I made myself wait five excruciating minutes before replying. I couldn't even distract myself by stalking his Facebook- I quickly realised he didn't have one.

Five minutes had passed. I clicked send.

 _Make it a hot chocolate and I'll probably let you off the hook._

His response was almost instantaneous, and my heart did somersaults.

 _I know a great place in town where they always double the chocolate?_

Everything about this man was perfect. I hadn't thought I believed in soulmates, but suddenly, I wasn't so sure.

 _Just name the time and the place, Comrade._

A minute later, I received a google calendar notification.

 **Tuesday, 2:00 pm, Glass House Lounge.**

It was the dorkiest thing ever, and yet somehow, I was already smitten enough to find it charming.

I tapped 'accept'. I'd heard of the Glass House; it wasn't a typical student hangout. Christian's aunt, a postgrad, had worked there for a brief stint and been impressed by the tips she'd made. Dimitri wasn't doing this by halves.

 _Very efficient,_ I texted. _But fair warning, I'll probably be late. I'm not known for being punctual._

 _I usually get to places early, so it'll cancel out._

Oh yeah. Soulmates.

* * *

 **Ok whatever it's really short but my model's run and** **I've gotta get back to it. This story is pure trash and I wasn't really sure about continuing at all but it's what I need right now. I do have a plot outline, so we'll see if I ever start taking it seriously.**

 **If you read my ALS series, there will probably be an update for that in June.**

 **Thanks for your patience with me. I know I'm crap at updating, but I stand by my promise that I'll never actually abandon these stories. VA love xx**


	3. Chapter 3

**Yeah, so it looks like this is becoming a proper story even though I still need to finish ALS and like a million other things. Oops..?**

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I had never been so nervous for a date before.

I texted this to Lissa while pacing around my bedroom, only for her to remind me that I'd never actually _been_ on a real date before- at least, not sober. She said that boozy 3am hook-ups didn't count. I was happy to agree.

This was something else entirely. I was sober, it was the middle of the day, and I was wearing a jeans-and-a-nice-top ensemble with combat boots rather than my usual night-out attire (read: slutty mini-dress and killer heels).

God. Maybe I should have agreed to meet Dimitri at the coffee shop rather than have him pick me up from my flat. Yes, it would have entailed a stinking, sweaty 30-minute bus ride, but at least that might have calmed my nerves. At the rate I was pacing, I'd wear a hole in the carpet and would never get my security deposit back.

Of course, another source of this anxiety was the fact I wasn't sure if this even _was_ a date. Sure, that was the word I'd used on the note I'd stuck to Dimitri's coffee, and yeah, he'd replied using the number I'd given him. But that didn't have to mean anything. He might just be a really polite guy that wanted to repay me for the coffee I'd bought him. He might have a girlfriend. He might be gay. He might just straight-up not be interested in me like that.

The more I thought about it, the more I convinced myself that this probably wasn't a date. I didn't have the best track record in that department. When we were 17, Mason had believed we were together for a whole month before I found out and informed him that we were actually just friends. We'd been hanging out more as a two because Lissa was busy with her then-boyfriend Aaron and Eddie was away at soccer camp, and he'd thought those one-on-one hangouts were dates. It had been awkward when the truth came out, and even more awkward after I'd tried to give him a chance as a boyfriend but fucked it up royally by admitting I wasn't actually attracted to him.

The last thing I wanted was to end up pulling a Mason with Dimitri and assume that this meant more than it really did.

I was debating changing my outfit to something less date-y when my phone buzzed and I just about jumped out of my skin.

 _Dimitri: I'm in the parking lot_

Right, shit, okay. No time to change. I took a deep, steadying breath before reaching for my jacket. I eyed the bottle of vodka on my desk with longing before steeling myself against the urge. I didn't need booze to be confident around a guy, for God's sake. I was notorious for my devil-may-care attitude to men and dating, so what was it about this one that had me ready to run for the hills?

I pulled on my leather jacket, pretending it was body armour. There. Now, I could be cool, confident Rose again. A smoking hot, trigger-happy queen bitch that could burn men where they stood with little more than a wink or a glare, whichever took my fancy.

Dimitri was waiting in a beat-up pickup truck that looked as born-and-raised Montana as I did- if it had been born thirty years before me. The man inside, although also older than me, was looking far better for wear than the truck. Free of the odd shadows of the dim library corner where I usually spied him, he was even more gorgeous. I squared my shoulders and pushed as much Rose bravado into my movements as I could muster under the gaze of such an angel.

An angel that was making me think truly un-angelic thoughts.

God help me, before I could reach the truck, Dimitri got out and rounded the hood to open the passenger door. Dressed in that ridiculous coat, he looked like the protagonist from a cowboy movie.

"Aren't you a chivalrous one," I teased.

His answering smile was like distilled sunlight. "Five-star treatment for the hero that saved my life with that coffee."

"You don't seem the type to need a knight in shining armour, but I'm glad I could help."

We fell into pleasant conversation as Dimitri drove us into town. The delicious smell of his aftershave and all-round gorgeousness kept me a little on edge, but he was easy to talk to. Everything he said sounded well-thought-out and self-assured, and I bet he never blurted things just to fill silence and remain the centre of attention.

"Have you been to the Glass House before?" Dimitri asked as we passed the traffic lights that signalled we were entering the central part of town.

"Nope. It looks really nice, but everyone in there seems like they have their lives together. I've felt too intimidated to go in."

Dimitri laughed at that, and it was a warm, rich sound. "Well, no need to worry about that. My friends and I go there a lot, and I can assure you that none of us 'have our lives together' in the slightest."

"I don't believe you. My friend's aunt used to work as a barista there, and she's like, the most successful adult I know. She runs her own business now and everything, _and_ she's a total badass."

"Would that be Tasha by any chance?"

"Yeah, Tasha Ozera! You know her?"

"We were in the same undergrad literature class. She was one of the first friends I made when I moved here."

The lingering hope I had about this being a date dipped significantly. If Dimitri was friends with Tasha- beautiful, sophisticated, enigmatic Tasha- then my chaotic charms paled in comparison.

Dimitri didn't seem to notice my panic. "So you're friends with Tasha's nephew. Christian, isn't it?"

"Kind of." 'Friends' was probably a bit of an overstatement. "He's my best friend's boyfriend".

"Ah. You've inherited him."

"Yeah. He's alright, though. Not as funny as me, but he'll do in a pinch. There are worse people to play third wheel to." Like Aaron, for example. God, he had been boring.

Dimitri laughed again at that, and it was like honey. I could listen to that laugh for days, I decided.

We reached the café not long after that, and it looked every bit as fancy as I remembered. Situated on the end of a terrace, the two street-facing walls were dominated by high, full windows supported by wrought iron. Through the glass you could see the back wall, which was covered entirely in rich green foliage. I wasn't sure if it was real or false, but overall the décor gave the impression that the café was in a glass porch tucked into the corner of some secret garden, not the end of a busy street swarming with students and dollar stores.

"Damn. This place kinda makes me wish I had an Instagram."

A bell tinkled above our heads as we entered and I was hit with the scent of coffee and flowers. Neither was a smell I usually favoured, but somehow it worked in here. Dimitri chose one of the little patio tables close to the wall of foliage and I studied it as he went to grab our menus. The plants were real. I had no idea how they could be watered- maybe I'd get Christian to ask Tasha if she knew.

Once our orders were placed and we were waiting for the server to bring them over (a caramel hot chocolate for me, a normal one for Dimitri), I decided to take the plunge and start a new conversation as if this was a date. I remembered what Lissa had told me: show interest in his life- ask lots of questions, but not enough to be creepy. Don't let him know you've been stalking him in the library for months.

"So, what do you study?" I asked in what I hoped was a casual way but probably came out a little forced.

"I majored in conservation biology in my undergrad, and now I'm researching the potential for large herbivores to restore grasslands and reduce thawing of permafrost in Siberia."

"Holy shit," I exclaimed, earning a glare from a girl at the table opposite. "I thought we might be studying something similar, but that's like _scarily close_ to the kind stuff I'm interested in. I'm hoping to write my thesis on adaptation and acclimatisation of large mammals to climate change, and a lot of the research I've come across already has been to do with rewilding and Pleistocene Park and all that."

If Dimitri's smile when he first stepped out of the car was distilled sunlight, then this one was like looking straight into the sun itself. "You've taken Alberta's class?"

"Had it this semester. It's my favourite course, which is good I suppose, since Alberta's my tutor."

"She's my PhD supervisor."

"You're doing a PhD, with Alberta, in my favourite subject. You're officially living the dream." Could this guy get any cooler?

"It's great until the time difference between me and the rest of the team means that I have no real sleep schedule and I end up falling asleep in the library."

"I've heard that's the way to go if you want to get a good seat and a free coffee the next morning," I teased. "So how come you're based here and not in Russia with the others?"

"I conducted my field research last year, now I'm in the writing phase. It's a joint project between two universities, and it helps to have a Russian speaker on this end. Alberta speaks a bit, but she isn't fluent."

"That's so cool," I said, but what I really meant was _you're_ so cool. Our drinks arrived then which gave me an opportunity to busy myself with the mountain of whipped cream and caramel sauce in front of me and collect my thoughts.

Dimitri was awesome, that much was undeniable. He was certainly a world away from the guys I usually spent time with, especially those at the frat party this past weekend. A smudge of hot chocolate clung to his bottom lip, and it took all my self-control not to lean across the table and lick it off myself.

"So," I said, trying not to sound like a horny teenager for once in my life. "Tell me about Siberia."

Dimitri told me about his village, and his mom and sisters and niece and nephew, and the incredible place that he had grown up in. He spoke with so much love that it made me almost feel homesick for a place I had never been. I hung onto his every word until he asked about _my_ family _._

I shrugged and frowned into the remnants of my hot chocolate. "Not much to tell. My mom's a super important geneticist whose life-changing research meant she was too busy flying to global conferences to worry about me. Very noble stuff, but you'd think someone whose life revolves around genetics and reproduction would know how to use a condom, right?"

Dimitri smiled sadly back at me. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you."

"It's fine," I sighed. "I'm over it. I've got Lissa, and that's all that really matters."

He didn't look like he believed me, but thankfully he changed the subject. "So have you two got anything interesting planned for summer? You must be looking forward to your time off."

"Lissa and Christian are visiting Europe. I'm invited, but I don't know if I'll bother going. It depends on how bored I get working at the campus gym." Also, how much money I was able to make from working at the gym. "To be honest, I'd rather visit our friends back in Montana. I haven't seen them since we all left for college."

"You've got a lot of friends back home?"

"We went to a boarding school, so people either became your best friends or your mortal enemies. There's a group of about ten of us that keep in contact. Eddie keeps talking about us all staying at Mason's uncle's lake house, but…"

"These things are easier said than done."

"Yeah. It's like time moves differently at college, and everyone's growing apart so fast." Plus, things hadn't been the same between Mase and me since the dating disaster.

"It's a difficult time, and you're all changing and learning who you are. I think it happens to everyone, at least, it did to the people I know. But if you really care about each other, you'll find your way back."

"Are you still in contact with your friends from home, even now?"

Dimitri's face darkened. "Some. But some changes are too great to overcome." He turned to stare out of the vast windows, watching people on the busy street beyond.

I wasn't going to push him to say more, but after a minute, he continued; "Ivan was my best friend, and the core of our social group. He went to St Petersburg University, along with another good friend of ours. One night they were out drinking in a bad part of town and Sergei got into a fight with some members of a local gang. I wasn't there to help- I was here, studying. Sergei got knocked out and Ivan was stabbed. Since then, nothing's been the same."

I reached across and placed my hand on top of Dimitri's. "I'm so sorry. I can't imagine what that must have been like." Dimitri turned back to me and flipped his hand so our palms touched. My pulse thundered in response. "Lissa and I were in a car crash when we were fifteen. It killed her parents and her brother, and I can't imagine what I'd have done on if she'd died too." That old, familiar surge of panic rose within me, and Dimitri's fingers slipped between mine. He seemed to understand that my words weren't merely a figure of speech.

"You'd have made the best of your life and made her proud," he said with such certainty that I found myself believing him.

Seeming determined to save our maybe-a-date from the dark turn it had taken, Dimitri ordered two more hot chocolates and we started discussing our favourite extra-curricular activities instead. Like me, Dimitri was athletic but preferred solo to team sports (except pool, which he swore up and down _did_ count as a sport). He liked to read, whereas I preferred Netflix, and coffee shops to bars (even when he was my age, he joked.) I found out he was 26, and was slightly concerned that it didn't put me off at all. I figured that meant I was totally falling head over heels for this guy, and was going to get my heart broken in a spectacular fashion. Again, I couldn't bring myself to care all that much.

I only realised how long we had been talking, fingers still entwined, when the waiter came over and not-so-politely asked if we would be dining there. It was clear that if the answer was no, then we had outstayed our welcome. To be fair, we had been sitting there for over four hours.

I figured that the two fancy hot chocolates Dimitri had bought me more than repaid the vending-machine coffee I'd given to him, and it would be taking the piss to expect any more.

"I promised Lissa I'd have dinner with her and Christian," I lied. "He loves cooking fancy meals and always makes way too much."

"I've got chicken defrosting at home," Dimitri said by way of an excuse, and I wondered if maybe he was bullshitting too.

Standing up sucked, not only because my legs protested after having sat still for so long, but also because it meant letting go of Dimitri's hand. I donned my leather jacket and shoved my hands in my pockets to keep me from doing something stupid like reaching for his again.

The problem with my lie emerged when Dimitri insisted on driving me back to Christian's place rather than my own. I nodded gratefully while silently cursing myself for not picking a better excuse. The ride back was the longest stretch of silence that had passed between us since we'd met, and I hoped that didn't mean Dimitri was looking forward to being rid of me.

He pulled up outside Lissa and Christian's fancy apartment block and the weight of that silence increased tenfold. I stayed sitting for a moment before the pressure became too much, and I unbuckled and reached for the door handle.

"I had a really great time today," Dimitri blurted. I let go of the handle and turned back to him. His knuckles were white on the steering wheel. "I wasn't sure when I asked you whether it was in just thanks or curiosity or- I mean, I had no idea who you even were and then, _you_ , and-"

"Dimitri," I interrupted, smiling. _This,_ at last, was something I understood. A man babbling like that meant only one thing, especially after how calm and confident he'd been all afternoon. "I had a great time too. Do you want to grab dinner this weekend?"

Dimitri let out a relieved sigh that was almost a laugh. "Yeah. Yes, I'd love to. You made that sound so easy."

"Because it is. I've asked you out twice now comrade, you need to step up your game."

To my astonishment, he flashed me a look that could only be described as downright filthy. "I'll see what I can do."

A moment later, Dimitri morphed back into the quiet, gentle giant I'd come to know today, but the damage was done. I couldn't unsee the look in his eyes, nor could I stop the burn of anticipation swooping low in my belly. I'd been impressed all afternoon by the passion he had for his work, now I'd got a glimpse at how that passion might translate into other things.

Feeling beaten at my own game, I mumbled something about texting him later and stumbled out of the car. It was probably a good thing he'd dropped me at Lissa's place, because I had a _lot_ to tell her about my date.

* * *

 **I love reviews, even if it's just to shout at me for not focussing on the things that actually need finishing :3**


	4. Chapter 4

**PhD applications are giving me mad stress so I'm hiding in my college/academic AU where there's less pressure.**

* * *

I'd never meant to fall in love with Dimitri. It just sort of happened when I wasn't paying attention.

It started as smiles over coffee, then it was heated glances at dinner, then breakfast laughter in the library café, and finally drunk crying in his flat at 3 am because I'd had a call from my mom and she'd made it clear I was a disappointment.

That was when I realised I was falling for him- when my heart was aching and he was the only person I trusted to hold it together. He let me stay the night, and the next morning, and when he'd come to check up on me at lunchtime, he hadn't made it back into work.

Sex with Dimitri had been in a whole different universe to the drunken hook-ups I'd had with the likes of Jesse and Wade, and even Mason's adoring attempts at seduction. Even while hungover, with the worst fucking headache known to man from crying half the night, he'd managed to make me feel incredible. He held me so gently and said my name with such reverence as we came undone that I knew he was falling for me too.

After that, it was spending almost all his limited free time together, and when Lissa and Christian went on their trip to Prague, I basically lived at his place. My tedious job at the gym didn't bother me so much anymore, as I knew I'd see Dimitri again soon. Sometimes, if our timetables worked out right, I'd be on a shift while he was in the gym. I snuck us into the closet where they kept the swimming equipment and we'd make out amongst the goggles and woggles.

It was on one such escapade that he told me he loved me. After admonishing him for saying it for the first time in such an unromantic setting, I said it back.

When the time came to visit Montana, Lissa suggested I invited Dimitri along with us. She was bringing Christian, after all, so it was only right I should bring my boyfriend.

Yeah. I had a _boyfriend._

Summer passed in a haze of great sex and lazy Sundays and take-out because neither of us could cook for shit. Every moment felt like a memory, even as I was living it. I never wanted it to end. Part of me, in a voice that sounded suspiciously like Dimitri, told me it didn't have to.

Another part, one that spoke with my mother's voice, was still waiting for the other shoe to drop. Things were going _so_ well, and things never went well for me. I'd even been accepted onto the prestigious _Guardians_ internship programme. I was to spend this year working with a mentor who'd help me build technical and professional skills that would allow me to take a high-profile placement the next summer, eventually leading to the job of my dreams. Everything I wanted seemed to be within reach.

Everything was perfect, and I'd never been more scared.

* * *

Everything fell apart one Tuesday in early October, just as the first ruby leaves kissed the ground. I'd been called to a meeting about the _Guardians_ programme, along with the other two students from my course that had been selected.

"I hope I get Spiridon," Meredith was gushing to me as we stood in the hallway scraping mud from our boots. "He's so cool."

Spiridon had assisted in our stats class last semester, and I'd always found him a bit creepy. Meredith was welcome to him. "As long as I don't get Stan," I prayed, hands pressed palm to palm in a theatrical display of supplication. "He _hates_ me. Anyone but him and I'll be happy."

"If he hates you, surely he won't be your mentor?"

"They don't get to pick," Shane moaned on my left. He seemed to be dying of fresher's flu. Again. "My cousin's a mentor over in Chemistry. He doesn't even get to choose if he's part of the _Guardians_ scheme."

"That's dumb. What if they're busy and don't put any effort into the mentoring?" I asked, growing more concerned by the minute. Maybe I _would_ end up with a deadbeat like Stan.

"Then they don't get their funding," Shane said with a shrug. "Academia is a cruel mistress."

Five minutes later, it was revealed to me just how cruel of a mistress she was. Professor Croft had finally arrived to let us into the office, running late but acting as though it was somehow our fault, and tossed envelopes in our direction as he bumbled around watering his spider plants.

When I eventually figured out which of the envelopes was meant for me, I thought something must have gone wrong in the admin office again.

"There's been a mistake," I told Croft, waving the offending piece of paper in his face. I was just about ready to storm down to the office and berate them for their latest in a long string of fuckups. "Dimitri's isn't even supposed to _be_ a Guardian."

"If he wants to keep receiving his student stipend, then he is." Croft's threat stopped me halfway to the door. "Guardians are selected from the pool of PhD students each year based upon their research areas. Dimitri's area of study is the closest to what you wrote on your application form."

"What about Mikhail?" I asked, staring at the nearest plant in an attempt to keep calm. "His research is even closer to my area of interest."

"Mikhail's on personal leave. Dimitri's the best mentor for you. I do not doubt that you'll fulfil your full potential with him to guide you."

"Well, I've changed my mind. I want to focus on a different area." Meredith and Shane snuck out behind me. Croft's temper was legendary, and his glare was enough to make even me uncomfortable.

"You can't. Either you take the assignment you've been given, or you forfeit your place in the _Guardians_ programme and your space will be allocated to one of the other students who were desperate to win a spot on this programme. Would you like to withdraw?"

"I… no." My tongue felt dry.

"That's what I thought. Now get out, I'm busy."

I started dialling Dimitri's number as soon as I was out of Croft's office. He'd know what to do. There had to be some loophole in university policy that allowed a student and mentor to date, as long as the conflict of interest was declared, right? Or somebody with more power than stupid Hans Croft would reassign me to some other mentor.

I'd barely entertained the thought that I might actually have to give up my space on the _Guardians_ programme.

It most certainly didn't cross my mind that I would have to give up Dimitri.

I passed through the rest of the day in a daze, scarcely paying attention in lectures or when my friends tried to talk to me afterwards. My guts were twisted steel, and I skipped dinner in favour of frantically Googling the university's policy on relationships between under- and postgrads. Dimitri left work early to come and meet me after the barrage of frantic texts I had sent, which made me feel better for all of about five minutes.

It seemed he had come up with a solution to our problem, but not one I had been willing to consider.

"So that's it. You're breaking up with me." The words shattered between us, all sharp edges that cut like glass.

"Roza," Dimitri sighed, "I don't like it any more than you do, but there's no other way."

"There must be!"

"Neither of us can walk away from this without throwing away our careers."

I paced the floor of Dimitri's tiny apartment. Four steps, pass the sofa where we'd once spent a whole weekend in various states of undress, three steps, hit the wall. Turn. Repeat. In time with my motion, the same thoughts kept spinning around my head.

"We can keep our relationship secret. Nobody has to know." I sounded pathetically desperate even to my own ears, but what else could I do?

"They will find out, and when they do, not just our careers but our reputations will be ruined. We'd both be kicked out of the university and nobody would ever fund our research again." Dimitri caught my arm on my next pass of the room, gently pulling me to a standstill. I tried to stare at the floor, but the draw of those eyes was undeniable. There was something in his gaze I'd never seen before. "I know you don't want that, and I'm not prepared to risk your future. As your mentor and your boyfriend, I can't let you."

"Oh, so you can be both of those things when it suits you."

"Rose, I love you, and I want to be with you, but not at the cost of our futures, or those of our colleagues. A scandal like this can ruin so many lives- I've seen it before. I could never forgive myself if anything went wrong."

"But we could _try._ Don't you trust me to be discreet, is that it?"

"I don't trust myself, either. There's no way this can work."

I realised what his expression was, then. It was something I'd never expected to see in Dimitri; fear.

Ever since I'd stepped out of Alberta's office, my blood had felt on the verge of turning to ice. Dimitri's hopeless certainty finished it off. My heart constricted, and my head spun. It was almost like a panic attack, only my breath remained steady and my vision didn't flicker. I felt eerily calm. Though my world was burning before me, I could only stand and watch as the flames destroyed everything I loved.

"So what, then?" I stopped pacing and stared at the wall, arms crossed over my chest. I could feel my heart pounding against my wrist. Behind me, I heard Dimitri sink down onto the couch. "We just break up and then act like we were nothing more than student and teacher? Because that doesn't seem very realistic, either."

When Dimitri spoke again, he sounded much older than his 26 years.

"It's the only thing we can do."

And so, we did.

It was awkward, and painful, and sometimes we slipped up. Once, I kissed him in a fit of frustration during a tutorial session. Another time, we had sex after the campus went into lockdown because we were both scared we might have lost the other. The other slipups were less physical- just a hundred yearning looks and comments that crossed the line.

At first I was concerned that my grades would dip, but the opposite proved to be true. Unable to stomach spending time around my friends and their perfect love lives, and no longer interested in partying like I had been the year before, I spent all of my free time studying. If this work was what was keeping Dimitri and me apart, then I was damn well going to make it worth the sacrifice.

By the end of the year, I was top of my class. Between my grades and Dimitri's guidance, I'd secured an internship at the Royal Court Society of Conservation in Colorado- highly prestigious, very well paid, and deeply coveted by the other 600 students that had applied for it but lost to me.

Meredith and Shane were being taken for drinks by their mentors to celebrate the end of the year, so it seemed only right that Dimitri and I would do the same. It would have looked odd if we hadn't. When he suggested we meet at the Glass House, I knew it was going to be an important night. My stomach swooped as it had before our first date there almost a year before, but this time, it was more with dread than anticipation. Lissa was sure it meant that he would ask if we could continue our relationship now that he was no longer my mentor, but I doubted it. That would carry far too much risk.

I told myself I had no hopes or expectations, but I was proved wrong when I stepped into the café and saw Dimitri's expression that night. It was filled with such regret that my heart shattered all over again, and I realised that I had been hoping for a reconciliation after all.

"Hey, Comrade," I greeted, trying very hard not to cry. He looked as though he felt the same.

We made it through two beers and some small talk about my internship before he dropped the bombshell.

"Now that I've finished my thesis, the university won't be supporting my visa any longer," he said. "I'll be returning to Siberia in two weeks."

"Two weeks," I repeated, feeling like the floor had fallen out from beneath me.

"They've decided to take on Stan as their post-doc researcher, whilst my partner university in Russia has requested me."

Though we hadn't discussed it recently, I knew he'd been hoping to stay with the team here for a couple more years, continuing with research related to his thesis. I thought he'd get it for sure, but no, they'd hired stupid Stan instead.

"Russia will be lucky to have you back," I said dumbly. "And at least you won't have to be around Dr Alto."

Neither of us laughed. We just stared at the table and finished our drinks in silence before getting up to leave. When we reached the street, we stood awkwardly for a moment. We'd have to part to walk our separate ways in a moment, and neither of us knew how to make the first move.

"Thank you," I told him, as the first drops of rain began to splatter the sidewalk. "You were a great mentor, despite… you know. I'd never have gotten the internship without you."

"No, thank _you_ ," Dimitri said, painfully sincere. "This year wasn't easy, but I wouldn't have given up last summer for anything."

I couldn't help falling into him then, wrapping my arms tight around his neck and standing on my tiptoes to get as close as was humanly possible.

"I'll miss you, comrade." In truth, I'd been missing him all year already, even though he'd been at my side for most of it. I couldn't fathom the pain of the physical separation that was to come. Perhaps it would be easier. I wasn't sure. I'd never felt like this before.

"You too, Roza. I hope you get everything you ever dreamed of."

 _All I wanted was you,_ I almost said, but I knew it wasn't entirely true. Despite my arguments when we'd first talked of breaking up, I couldn't have chosen Dimitri over my career. It was more than just a passion- it was my calling. I knew it was the same for him. We both felt the need to use our knowledge to make the world a better place, and unfortunately, that had left no room for _us._

Part of me wanted to hate him, but every time I tried, the feeling lodged in my chest and wound up feeling like love.

Duty was something they hadn't taught in college, but I'd discovered it anyway. It was the thought of the work I still had to do that finally gave me the strength to pull away from Dimitri, press a lingering kiss on his cheek, and then head to the library. I had studying to do.

After all, it was finals week.

* * *

 **Does this sound like the end? Probably. Is it? No. I'm incapable of ending a story like this. More to follow when I figure out how to wrangle the narrative back into something coherent because the structure of this chapter _really_ bugs me. **


	5. Chapter 5

**Hope all of you are holding up alright x**

 **Because I cba for too much exposition- this takes place a couple of years after the last chapter. Rose started dating Adrian around Christmas of her 3rd (junior?) year of college, so 6 months after Dimitri left.** **Lissa kissed someone else so Christian broke up with her, and she moved into a modest apartment with Rose for their final year.** **The Guardians internship programme has definitely paid off for Rose, despite what it cost her...**

* * *

Chapter 5

Graduation was an event I had been looking forward to for a long time. Lissa and I had spent forever searching for the perfect dresses to wear under our gowns, and I'd agonised over which hairstyle would look best in pictures. We'd even splashed on having a beautician come to our shared apartment this morning to do our hair any makeup. After all- photos from today were the evidence of our four years of sleepless nights finally paying off.

When I walked across that stage to collect my diploma, my friends hollered so loudly it was a little embarrassing. Christian's shouts of 'trip!' made me smile, and I pushed aside the feeling that somebody was missing.

Besides, someone else was there to fill the space of my former tutor and erstwhile lover. Janine Hathway's presence in a room full of Life Sciences students caused quite a stir, with some of the biochem students going as far as to ask for a picture with her. She gritted her teeth as she posed with hopeful future geneticists, but in the photos with me, her smile was genuine.

My mom's attendance of my graduation had been one hell of a shock, but I was in for another one when I returned to my flat after the ceremony to find Adrian sat on my bed with a face full of tears.

"What..?" I'd only come home to change my shoes and grab a jacket. I rushed to his side, cursing my blisters all the way. He'd been fine half an hour ago. What the hell could have happened since I'd left him outside the reception tent? "Adrian, what's wrong? Why aren't you already at the party?"

"When were you going to tell me, Rose?"

It was then that I noticed the sheaf of paper he clutched in his fist. I cringed at the crinkles in the documents but forced myself to focus on the more important issue. "It's really not that big of a deal."

"You're moving to the other side of the world, Rose. How the fuck is that not a big deal?!"

As Adrian waved his arms, I caught a whiff of whiskey. "You've been drinking."

"Of course I've been drinking, it's graduation." Adrian stood up, shaking my letters. "I came back here to surprise you, thinking we could fool around before we had to go and spend the rest of the night pretending not to notice that Lissa and Christian are sleeping together again, but I found this on your desk."

This didn't feel like the right time to mention that everyone else already knew about Lissa and Christian's rekindled romance. "I was going to tell you tomorrow. After the celebrations had died down a bit."

"So it _is_ that big of a deal. Are you breaking up with me?"

"No! It's just a change, and I didn't want to worry you at graduation."

"You've had this letter for two months, Rose. You could have told me then."

Shit. I'd forgotten that the letter had a date on it. Exhausted from a long and emotional day, I went on the defensive. "I just didn't know how to tell you without you reacting like this."

That was the wrong thing to say. "Bullshit. You knew it would be the end of us, and you didn't want that getting in the way of your finals."

"I told you, we don't need to break up. We can make this work long-distance. You've got enough money for plane fares-"

"This isn't just you not wanting to come to DC with me, you're moving to fucking Siberia! It's like you can't get far enough away from me. I knew you were still in love with _him_ at the start, but I thought you might come around to loving me eventually. If anything, you like me less now than you did when we met."

"That's really not possible," I laughed, hoping to defuse the tension. "You were such an ass back then."

"Everything is a joke to you." Adrian's tone was caustic. So much for avoiding a fight.

"No, you're the one that doesn't take things seriously. You knew when we met that I had career aspirations that might take me away from here. What about you? What happened to your dreams of becoming an artist and making it big?"

"I fell in love with you, and those dreams changed."

To be honest, we hadn't talked about the future in a long time- less than we had when we first got together. I'd been avoiding it because I knew, deep down, that those futures wouldn't align and I hadn't wanted to lose him.

Was I going to admit to this weakness, though? Hell, no. Faced with the truth of my own failures, I turned it around. After all, the best defence was a good offence. "Don't you dare blame me for your lack of future. You're lazy and you take everything for granted, that's what you barely passed your course."

"Is that what you really think of me?"

I let the silence speak the truth. Adrian had hit a nerve, and if I opened my mouth again, something worse would come out.

"Thanks a lot, Rose." His mouth twisted into a sneer. "Well, I hope you have fun telling Lissa. You're abandoning her too."

"She already-" I bit my tongue, but it was too late.

"You've already told her. You told her, but not me." I watched as the last pieces of Adrian's world crashed down around him. My gut twisted, and I wished I hadn't eaten so many sandwiches earlier. Adrian tossed the letter back onto my bed and stormed to the door. "Goodbye, Rose," he said without turning around. "I hope that Siberia is as cold as you."

The bedroom door slammed so hard that it made the whole room shake. A moment later, another mini earthquake hit as Adrian slammed the front door, too.

I looked from my PhD acceptance letter to the closed door and tried to make myself feel something. A two-year relationship had just ended, but my heart wasn't breaking. Not like it had before, anyway, when a different man had walked away because our careers were getting in the way.

There were tears in my eyes, but didn't feel like a breakup. It felt like I had just said goodbye to a friend who'd been drifting away already.

Before I touched up my makeup, I made a phone call. Into another shocking twist of fate, it wasn't Lisa's number I dialled.

"Mom, could you meet me at my place rather than the restaurant?"

* * *

The next morning found Lissa and I sprawled on our sofa nursing horrendous hangovers. Christian had returned to his own place after last night's festivities, but I had no doubt Lissa's would be joining him there soon. Despite how many times she told me she was happy to be living with me, She'd missed his apartment almost as much as she'd missed him during their estrangement.

Just my luck that she'd rekindle her romance just as mine crashed and burned. At least I'd have the to place myself to wallow in junk food should the urge strike.

I wasn't sure if it would.

"Am I a bad person?" I mumbled through the blanket that was pulled up to my chin.

"You really should have told him before," Lisa chastised with all the smugness of someone who had previously encouraged me to do just that. "But no, you're not a bad person. It takes two people to make a relationship work, and Adrian's not been the perfect boyfriend, either."

"He always brought me flowers, and took me out for dinner every week."

"You hate flowers, and you didn't have time for fancy dinners three times a week. Did he ever consider getting takeout and putting on a movie so you could relax, did he ever offer to proofread your work?" She looked at me slyly. "Did he ever keep you company when you were studying, or bring you a drink in the library?"

I ignored her last statement. "Those aren't Adrian things."

"And flowers and fancy dinners aren't Rose things. You were incompatable, at least towards the end, and that's nobody's fault.

I reached for a slice of cold pizza. Lissa's supportive words were improving my appetite if nothing else.

"I still should have talked to him about the future," I said around a mouthful of cheese.

"Yeah, you should have, but he could have started that conversation too. If he thought you'd be happy to move to DC to be nearer his family- who hate you, by the way- then he was crazy."

"Is that what he thought?" I'd wondered what he was talking about yesterday with all the talk of DC.

"See, total lack of communication on both your ends! I heard from Ava's other assistant that his dad wanted him to come home and work for the family business or his trust fund would magically disappear. Was Adrian looking for a job or anything?"

"No." I'd been needling him to start, but he'd seemed reluctant. With Lissa's information, it seemed like he was going to accept his asshole dad's proposal. Lissa's upcoming internship as senator Ava Drozdov's aide was already proving useful. "Maybe he just assumed I'd be following you to DC anyway."

"Yes, because there is such a wealth of arctic megafauna for you to study in the capital." Lissa's deadpanned. "Thought knowing that's your subject area would require him to have read your thesis."

That was a sore spot. _"I'm not a big reader, Rose, and it's so long! I like the pictures, though."_

"He always said I worked too hard, anyway."

"It's like I said, Rose, it takes two. Did he even ask you to stay? Show any interest in trying to make it work long-distance?" I shook my head. "See, it takes two. And it's not like you cheated or anything." Her cheeks pinked with the reminder of her own guilt.

I thought then of how I had to fight against Dimitri's insistence that we had to break things off. I remembered how I had railed against the injustice of it all, begged and bargained for a way to make things work, before ultimately realising that this was the best for both of us. Even then, amongst all of the pain, I'd never taken a cruel parting shot like Adrian had.

"He didn't ask me to stay," I repeated quietly. That was the only thing, other than my guilt at causing Adrian pain, that made my chest ache. "He said he loved me, but he didn't even try to fight for us."

Lissa shuffled along the couch to wrap an arm around my shoulders. "Not everyone's a fighter, Rose. I think that's why, ultimately, he wasn't right for you. You need somebody as brave as you are."

I knew Lissa was painting me a knight in shining armour, but all I could see was a scientist in a stupid cowboy duster.

* * *

 **I recently got a dm asking if I had an AO3 account, and it reminded me I'd been considering cross-posting my old stories as well as new ones over there from now on. Would anyone be keen for that? I'd still post here too, but I know I prefer to read on AO3 now (no ads, yay) and it might be nice to respond to your comments more easily. Let me know what you think :)**


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